Decisions (& why I've been MIA)

January 29, 2013


Some of you may have noticed that I didn't really post for the last two weeks. It's certainly not that I didn't want to but I hit a rough patch. I'm not going to go into too much detail about everything except for one thing: my education.

For the last weeks (if I'm being completely honest: months) I didn't feel comfortable. In September, I started university and I signed up for a bachelor Eastern Languages and Cultures: Chinese. I don't want to brag but I was a good student in high school. I was one of the best of my class and I graduated with a lot of confidence. The transition from high school to university was rough. It was so much in so little time and I couldn't really keep up. Well, I actually could but I didn't try. Even after the first weeks I felt like there was something wrong. But I had been bragging all over that I was going to study Chinese so I wasn't going to change now.

Chinese is an awesome language and I loved learning the basics. It's not so much that it's a difficult language (or at least, not untill the point where I got), it's just really different. And I liked that. I've always been into languages. But still, I wasn't motivated. And I was constantly wondering why I didn't do something with English. I am sure that I could've succeeded if I tried hard enough but I got depressed by that thought. Isn't your student life supposed to be the best time of your life? I hated these last months because it just wasn't for me.

As I said, I had told everyone that I was going to study Chinese. And I wasn't planning on changing because that would make me a complete failure, right? But are other people's thoughts about me worth three years of struggle and demotivation? Would it be worth trying something you weren't passionate about? I came to the conclusion that it isn't. These coming years will define my future. Did I see myself doing something with Chinese for my whole life? The answer was no again. As much as I would love to be able to speak Chinese, it's not my passion. And if you're not even motivated or if you don't feel like you fit in at all, that's not good for you. So it was time for a change.

After a talk with my parents and boyfriend, I decided that it would be best for me if I quit now. Only half a year has passed so I can still change. Ofcourse, I did lose half a year but those last months put everything in perspective for me. I realised that there are so many options to chose from, it's normal that you're not satisfied with your first pick. So I'm going to try to not feel guilty or extremely selfconscious anymore. There are plenty of people that will have the wrong ideas and that will judge me, even laugh at me. But I'm letting go. This is my life and my future I'm thinking about. Not theirs.

I've decided I'm going to work for a couple of months and I'll be starting a new course in September which I'm really excited about. I'm going to enjoy my life from now on again and I can't wait untill September.

32 comments:

  1. Oh Dorien, I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. If it makes you feel any better, I stuck at my first course for 2 (TWO!) years before I made the leap to study a different Bachelor altogether. I have absolutely no regrets, it was the best decision I made during my schooling. It's a scary step to take, but if you weren't feeling the Chinese course and could see no future in it, I am certain you've made the right decision. At the end of the day, people who judge you on a small thing like changing your area of study (who would do that?!) are not really genuine friends anyway.

    All the best!

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    1. Yes, it is crazy that people would judge you on something that defines your future but they certainly do. But then again, I don't, my family doesn't and my close friends don't so that's all that matters in the end. Thank you for sharing your experience and your kind words! xo

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  2. it takes courage to make a decision like that, good for you! I dropped out of my Fine Art Degree after 18 months, it was the best decision I have ever made even though at the time it was hard to admit as I had always thought since I was 17 that one day I would have a degree. Good luck in your new course xx

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement. I'm glad you too made the best choice for you. xo

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  3. I'm so glad that you made the decision that was best for you! You are talking about your life and your future. I've tried many things in my life and not liked them. If its not your passion then there is no reason to do it!!! I bet a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders!! :) have fun picking something new.

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    1. Yes, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders indeed! I hope you do (or at least will in the near future) something that you love. Thank you for your kind words. xo

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  4. It's a good thing you figured it out only after a few months. I changed my major after 1 year of being in school which caused me to be in school for additional year to complete my major. I was very happy with my change.

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    1. I will be in school for an additional year as well because I can only take a few classes the coming semester. But I'm okay with it. I will at least do something that I love! Thank you for sharing your experience. xo

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  5. Good thinking. There is really no point in pursuing something that you know is wrong for you. I changed both my major and my master's program at different points, and it was hard but totally worth it in the end.

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    1. Thank you. I honestly believe this will be extremely worth in the end haha :) xo

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  6. You made a very brave decision! I had the same dilemma when I was at second year of college, but I decided to ignore "the inner voice"... =( And for some time I was happy. Then, at last year it all came back to me and I started to question everything and all those years I wasted. I was not even sure I wasted them, that's how confused I was. I took a year off, got job, met some amazing people that helped me to realize what I actually want and how to get it. And I paid off. I was back in college, finished last year, got Bachelor degree and now I'm even finishing my Masters (very different field of study than Bachelors) and I could not be happier, specially because my employees from my year off are offering me a job after graduation. =)

    What I want to say is "Fortuna audaces iuvat". All you have to be is bold, and how you said "...are other people's thoughts about me worth three years of struggle and demotivation?" The answer is NO! =)

    With best wishes,
    Dora

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your kind words. I'm glad I'm changing now. I will be a year behind but better now then regret it later, right? I'm glad everything is working out for you! xo

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  7. Well done for being brave and admitting that you wanted to change your course! It's your life, and you absolutely need to do what is right for you.

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  8. That was so nicely put. It's scary to go a different path than the one you had planned out for yourself, but it's natural to change your mind. I started college wanting to be a Biologist, and now I'm in healthcare! Haha. It's still not what I had envisioned but now, I have so much more fun & love what I'm doing. Always follow your heart and don't let other people's thoughts get you down. ;)

    ALSO. I got your package. Thank you! I love it! I even blogged about it here: http://horsesofares.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-lovely-package.html

    xo, Adriana.

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm glad you're doing something that you love now. I think having fun is way too important to ignore it for five years!! :) xo

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  9. Good for you! Always just remember that there's a HUGE difference between quitting and coming to a realization that it's not the right thing for you. You made an incredibly hard decision that people tend to put off until it's too late, it's very admirable.

    xo

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    1. Yes, my boyfriend opened my eyes about that. It's true! Thank you for your kind words! :) xo

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  10. I started college as a fashion design major. I was accepted to elite design schools across the country and I was so hellbent on doing it. EVERYONE knew what I was going to school for and I was so so SO motivated. Well, my freshman year was INSANE. I had a professor who would cry every class (it was her first time teaching) and that made me stressed so I would go home every Wednesday night and cry. AND CRY AND CRY AND CRY. I was miserable, to say the least. I forced myself through one year, then one summer day I woke up and said "screw it!" I drove myself to campus, changed my major without batting an eyelash, and I never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made. Doesn't sound like such a life changing thing, but it is. And once you realize that YOU hold the key to your happiness, it becomes a lot less scary. The only person you need to worry about disappointing is YOURSELF. Don't worry about being on anyone else's schedule. I finished college a semester "late" and it was hard not to compare myself to people I went to high school with who breezed through university in 4 years or less. But I took the path that I needed to take to make me happy. Just like what you need to do!

    It's so great that you realized that so early on, too. This is a good place to be - your head and your heart are totally on the same page! I'm excited to see where it takes you <3

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will be a year behind on my high school friends but then again, they're studying different things and they'll take longer to get their degree haha. I'm glad you changed to something you love! Thank you for your kind words! xo

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  11. I can relate with this so much.

    All my life I have wanted to become a lawyer. After graduating highschool, I landed a job in a law office and continued with my plans. I started out college majoring in political science (because that's what all lawyers major in, right?) and realized poli sci was not for me! (all that history?? no thanks!) so I changed my major to business management thinking, hey let me study the easiest thing possible and still go to law school. I graduated with my bachelor's and am still working at the same law firm.

    I took the LSAT (the big test) to get into law school right after graduating and wow did I get set back! so. hard. needless to say, I didn't do so well and I signed up to take the test again. and then i postponed it. and postponed it. and postponed it. (I can't even tell you how much money I spent postponing that test) Until I realized I needed to just take a minute and think is law school what I really want or a childhood dream that I feel like i HAD to follow?

    long story short (after my long story, ha!) i'm still at the same law firm 5 and a half years later and in back in school to get my paralegal certificate. of course i feel like a disappointment (my dad just won't stop telling me all the reasons why I need to be a lawyer) but for now, I'M HAPPY! I'm doing what I want to do because it makes ME happy and I'm proud of MYSELF!

    So kudos to you, my friend! Do what makes YOU happy!!!

    xoxo

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    1. It's great that you've come to terms with what you really want! Sometimes dreams change and that's alright. And you shouldn't feel like a dissapointment at all! Thank you for sharing that story. And your kind words! xo

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  12. Ik snap heel goed hoe je je voelt en je hebt zeker een goede keuze gemaakt. Je moet je leven leiden hoe het JOU gelukkig maakt en niet hoe anderen het juist achten. Hoe lang je er ook over doet (een maand, een half jaar, twee jaar...), als je er uiteindelijk achter komt dat je nu WEL weet hoe je jezelf gelukkig moet maken dan heb je op z'n minst iets geleerd uit die tijd. Da's het belangrijkste. You go kick ass in je nieuwe studierichting, gurlfriend!

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    1. Inderdaad, ik ben blij dat ik het op tijd ingezien heb. Het zou stom zijn om eerst twee jaar anderen te plezieren en dan alsnog te veranderen. Dankjewel!! xo

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  13. I love this post so much! I just found your pretty little blog. I just started university as well (just turned 19!) and I struggled so much right before getting to school. I was always so fantastic in high school and my parents were insistent that I needed to do something like be a doctor or a lawyer (just about anything high paying) and it drove me crazy. None of those things were my passion! It took so much for me to declare my major as business (I want to eventually open up a dress boutique) but I'm so glad I'm working towards something I love rather than something just to please my parents. I'm sure you'll find something you love, too!
    xo

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    1. It's great that you 'spoke up' and that you're doing something you love! I'm definitely working toward that now! :) Thank you! xo

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  14. good! girl - you have to study what you want! I switched my major four time before I knew I was where I was meant to be! No one will think you are a failure if you switch majors! I promise :) So excited for your next moths!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement! :) xo

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  15. Mooi verwoord Dorien! En knap dat je de knoop na een half jaar al hebt kunnen doorhakken. Ik heb er drie jaar over gedaan om tot de conclusie te komen dat de richting die ik hiervoor deed toch niet helemaal voor mij was. Ge hoeft u dus helemaal niet slecht of minderwaardig of wat dan ook te voelen, het is UW leven dus gij beslist erover. En dat half jaartje 'achterstand' merkt geen hond hoor :-)

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    1. Ik voel mij ook niet persé slecht om de verandering an sich maar ik denk gewoon teveel na over anderen hun reactie. Maar goed, kan me niet meer schelen! haha :p Danku voor de lieve reactie! x

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  16. i'm really happy for your that you made the change, and certainly that you realized it soon adn went for it to not lose as much time, but I do think it's never too late & so important to study something you see yourself doing. My hubs is a year behind because he swithced and it's frustrating since he already didnt start until he moved to the US, which is when i was graduating, but things are going great for him now. what major did you switch to btw?

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    1. I'm now doing a language study with the languages English and German! With the goal of becoming a teacher :) xo

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