Some of you may have noticed that I didn't really post for the last two weeks. It's certainly not that I didn't want to but I hit a rough patch. I'm not going to go into too much detail about everything except for one thing: my education.
For the last weeks (if I'm being completely honest: months) I didn't feel comfortable. In September, I started university and I signed up for a bachelor Eastern Languages and Cultures: Chinese. I don't want to brag but I was a good student in high school. I was one of the best of my class and I graduated with a lot of confidence. The transition from high school to university was rough. It was so much in so little time and I couldn't really keep up. Well, I actually could but I didn't try. Even after the first weeks I felt like there was something wrong. But I had been bragging all over that I was going to study Chinese so I wasn't going to change now.
Chinese is an awesome language and I loved learning the basics. It's not so much that it's a difficult language (or at least, not untill the point where I got), it's just really different. And I liked that. I've always been into languages. But still, I wasn't motivated. And I was constantly wondering why I didn't do something with English. I am sure that I could've succeeded if I tried hard enough but I got depressed by that thought. Isn't your student life supposed to be the best time of your life? I hated these last months because it just wasn't for me.
As I said, I had told everyone that I was going to study Chinese. And I wasn't planning on changing because that would make me a complete failure, right? But are other people's thoughts about me worth three years of struggle and demotivation? Would it be worth trying something you weren't passionate about? I came to the conclusion that it isn't. These coming years will define my future. Did I see myself doing something with Chinese for my whole life? The answer was no again. As much as I would love to be able to speak Chinese, it's not my passion. And if you're not even motivated or if you don't feel like you fit in at all, that's not good for you. So it was time for a change.
After a talk with my parents and boyfriend, I decided that it would be best for me if I quit now. Only half a year has passed so I can still change. Ofcourse, I did lose half a year but those last months put everything in perspective for me. I realised that there are so many options to chose from, it's normal that you're not satisfied with your first pick. So I'm going to try to not feel guilty or extremely selfconscious anymore. There are plenty of people that will have the wrong ideas and that will judge me, even laugh at me. But I'm letting go. This is my life and my future I'm thinking about. Not theirs.
I've decided what I'm going to study now (it took me a week) and I'm extremely excited about it. I will only be able to follow three courses the coming months but that's okay. I think I'm going to try to find a job for the days I don't have class. I'm going to enjoy my life from now on.